Ever been skiing down the hill-the snow superb, sunny skies, you’re in your best form-and then for no apparent reason to yourself, you fell? I bet you figured that you made a mistake like catching an edge, right? Wrong! A well kept secret can finally be revealed. You were probably the victim of a “Snow Snake.”

Impossible, you say? Well, let me tell you about the incredible varmint. Snow snakes, scientifically known as “Eatumupus Skius,” are all white and hide on ski stopes. You’ve never seen one? I don’t wonder, see how well they hide? They are often found hiding under rocks. I bet the last time you ran over a rock you thought it marked your bases.

Wrong again. Actually you awoke a Snow Snake who quickly came up and bit your skis. Still don’t believe me? Well, look at your skis. See all those scratches? Snow Snake bites.

Never heard of them? See now well we kept the secret? Let me go on. Snow Snakes prefer a diet of new skis and are more vicious early in the season when they prey or skiers who aren’t in shape yet. They especially like the new clear racing bases where they try to “eat your words” off the skis.

But fret not, for there is a cure for Snow Snake bite. Go directly to the lodge, do not pass the ski shop and pour yourself a tall drink. This gives you body a rest and your mouth exercise in telling everyone about your dramatic fight with nature on the hill.

Still a doubter? Well, the only other answer is that you did make a mistake-but, that couldn’t be! Till next week Good Skiing and watch out for Snow Snakes.

I wrote this piece for the Burlington Gazette in 1975 while working at the Cedar Springs Ski Shop. That is me doing a tip roll.